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Should We Lie to Our Children?
by Michael Smalley, www.crashintolove.com
08/13/07
I found this question at FunAdvice and it made me want to respond:
'Do as I say, not as I do?' Do you feel that if you had premarital sex, then it is not OK to teach your children abstinence until marriage. Same scenario with the use of alcohol or drugs. If you tried them or are still using them, is it OK for your children to experiment, too? Do you feel you want your child at home where you can supervise if they insist on smoking cigarettes or drinking under age? Do you feel you are being a hypocrit if you tell your child not to do something that you did at their age or younger?
So how do we handle our past (and future) mistakes with our children? I believe in total honesty with our kids, but only when they are capable of understanding our past mistakes. Children who can't yet understand what it means to make a mistake, seek forgiveness, and then repair the damage should not be burdened with our past mistakes.
Once your child can understand, and at least comprehend analytically, what you did and how you overcame it, then it is time to be honest. Kids can always tell the hypocritical from the honest, so you might as well be honest. Do not fear that they might make the same mistakes as you simply because they know what you did as a young person.
Your child will make his own mistakes, I can promise you this much. When sharing about your own past, just make sure you share it in a way that doesn't glorify the mistake but rather helps your child understand the consequences of the decision and then hopefully how you overcame the issue.
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