OK … so I've never spent a night in a real prison, but that doesn't mean I've never been trapped, bounded, or imprisoned other ways. The kind of prison I'm talking about is a relational prison.

The kind of prison that prevents any outside influence or entrance into our heart and soul. When I get really mad, and stay mad, I walk myself willingly into the jail cell of loneliness.

Amy and I are never free from an imperfect relationship. We battle, begrudge, and basically belittle each other just like the rest of the world. Just because we're trained marriage and family therapists who make our living helping couples, families, and individuals get along better, doesn't mean we're free from conflict—even the unhealthy type.

When we get angry at each other and really hold on to that anger and refuse to move forward by forgiving and then reconciling—we put our bottoms right into the jailhouse of unfulfilling relationships.

Here are the four most important lessons I've learned while sitting in prison:

4. Prison is a lonely place filled with uncertainty and heartache.
3. I was designed to be in relationships and prison prevents me from living my God ordained life in relationships with others.
2. There's nothing fun about being in prison. If I want to enjoy life to its fullest, then I'd better figure out how to get rid of my anger towards others and forgive those who trespass against me.

And the #1 lesson I learned in prison:

1. If I want to get out, all I have to do is open the door myself. No one can let me out of a prison that I've built myself. If I want to open the door, then I'm going to have to take personal responsibility for the prison I've built and the people I've hurt or the people who've hurt me. I can't wait for someone else to make my life better and open the door to my prison. Only I can do open the door. When I acknowledge my own failures … I set myself free!

© Copyright 2004 Smalley Relationship Center

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