All of us long to be accepted by others. While we may say out loud, "I don't care what people think about me," on the inside we all yearn for intimacy and affection. This yearning is especially true in our relationship with our parents. Gaining or missing out on parental approval has a tremendous effect on us, even if it has been years since we have had any regular contact with them. In fact, what happens in our relationship with our parents can greatly affect all our present and future relationships. While this may sound like an exaggeration, our office has been filled with people struggling with this very issue, people just like Brian and Nancy.

The Crushing of Brian's Dream

"Please say that you love me, please!" Brian's words trailed off into tears as he leaned over the now still form of his father. It was late at night in a large metropolitan hospital. Only the cold, white walls and the humming of a heart monitor kept Brian company. His tears revealed a deep inner pain and sensitivity that had tormented him for years, emotional wounds that now seemed beyond repair.

Brian had flown nearly halfway across the country to be at his father's side in one last attempt to try to reconcile years of misunderstanding and resentment. All his life, Brian had been searching for his father's acceptance and approval, but they always seemed just out of reach.

Brian's father had been a career Marine officer. His sole desire was that when he grew up he would follow in his father's footsteps. With that in mind, Brian's father took every opportunity to instill in his son discipline and the backbone he would need when one day he too was an officer.

Nancy Reveals a Painful Past

Nancy's loss was a different sort, but the hurt and pain she received from missing out on the blessing stung her just as deeply. In fact, living apart from the blessing had caused problems not only with her parents, but with her husband and children as well.

Nancy grew up in an affluent suburb outside a major city. During Nancy's early years, her mother loved to socialize with other women at the club and at frequent civic activities. In fact, with a marriage that was less than fulfilling, these social gatherings became of paramount importance to Nancy's mother.

When Nancy was very young, her mother would dress her up in elegant clothes (the kind you had to sit still in, not play in) and take her and her older sister to the club. But as Nancy grew older, this practice began to change.

Unlike her mother and older sister, Nancy was not petite. In fact, she was quite large and big-boned. Nor was Nancy a model of tranquility. She was a tomboy who loved outdoor games, swinging on fences, and animals of all kinds.

Recommended Resource:

Buy The Gift of the Blessing

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

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