Chapter 3: The Excruciating Friendship Years

Now that I had finally arrived in Amy's world, I learned something devastating. No, it had nothing to do with Amy's character or her heart. Actually, the more I got to know her the more I loved these aspects of her. It was much, much worse. In fact, when I learned about it, my dream of marrying Amy came crashing back to reality. There seemed to be little, if no hope left in my soul's bank account. I had overdrawn myself just trying to get into Amy's world, and what I learned simply pushed me into bankruptcy.

For a time I was upset with God. I remember praying, "How could you allow this to happen? I mean, is it too much to ask that you don't allow me to fall in love with a woman who has seriously dated another man for five years!"

Amy and I were talking together during one of the practices when I learned about her wonderful boyfriend. She was so full of joy when she mentioned his name that I almost wanted to throw-up. My first thought was, "Why did you waste hundreds of hours practicing this sport without ever checking if she had a boyfriend?" If Amy wouldn't have been so involved in talking about her boyfriend, she might have noticed my heart she was stomping on the ground.

Of course I couldn't blame Amy. She had never expressed any interest in me as a boyfriend, only as a friend. It was my own fault for feeling so utterly depressed. I had spent one too many nights dreaming of the day Amy and I would marry. Now it looked like that day would be much further than I had expected, like never!

It was interesting, however, for as the days passed by Amy and I were becoming extremely close friends. We would spend time away from practice together and I would just tuck my feelings away because of her boyfriend. I found myself becoming comfortable with Amy as just a friend, we would even confide in each other. There were many times when I would share my feelings about certain girls and actually ask Amy's advice about the situations. We were becoming best friends.

I must admit that I did adjust my previous dream to help cope with what was happening in reality. Now I dreamed of Amy finding all the faults in her boyfriend and then realizing how much better I was for her. This was not happening. My role was that of a friend, and on a cold morning in Dallas, Texas my hopes were thoroughly dashed against the rocks, diamond rocks.

The memory seems like it was yesterday. All the yell-leaders were getting ready for the SMU-Baylor game. Amy was running late, not that this was unusual, but we were starting to wonder where she was.

I was the first person to see her. Her boyfriend was dropping her off for the game and Amy came running to me jumping into my arms. I obviously enjoyed this very much, and asked why she was so happy. That's when she pulled out the dagger and jabbed it unknowingly into my heart. In front of my eyes was the largest diamond engagement ring I had ever seen. I remember thinking that it must be at least 10 carrots, but Amy assured me that it was not. Now I had to really throw out any dreams of marrying Amy, she was already engaged, and I was devastated. Every time I saw Amy admiring the sparkle in her new diamond, that same sparkle burned the hopes of my heart. I had never known a couple to break-off an engagement, and finally let go of my own desires to concentrate on other things. Though somehow, other things just didn't match up to the woman of my heart.

The best part of Amy getting engaged was that it brought me closer to God. Why is it that when things get really tough, these are the times we get closer to God? I started praying for God to introduce me to the woman of my dreams. It was clear that Amy was not the one for me, and I prayed everyday to meet the woman who would take her place, even though I didn't think this was possible. Who could take the place of Amy Renee Johnston?

Sometime after this I was getting ready to leave for summer break. I wanted to say goodbye to my yell-leading partner, Julie, so on my way out of Waco I stopped by her apartment. Julie and I talked for a few minutes and said our goodbyes for the summer. As I was walking to my car, I remembered that Amy lived just a few doors down from Julie. I hadn't seen Amy for quite awhile and thought it might be fun to stop by and see how she was doing. I knew Amy was graduating, so I thought this might be the last time to see her. I knocked on her door, and found God smiling upon my face.

Oh my God how long must I wait,
For Love to come and decide my fate.
Mine heart desires to love her dear,
To hold her close and wipe away her tears.

Though true love would not jump at the circumstance
To steal a heart who had not the chance,
For the healing touch from the highest One
The loving touch from God's only Son

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

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