Chapter 4: This Can't Be Happening

The woman I secretly loved for over three years tightly grabbed and hugged me like never before. "Is this some sort of cruel joke, I mean, don't you know how I have felt about you. Do you have any idea how many nights I laid awake wondering if you would ever love me? Now, before I leave for New York, then Mexico, you decide I'm the one!" I remember thinking to myself. Before I let my emotions get the better of me, I just relaxed and hugged her back, enjoying the surreal moment.

In the midst of this strange embrace, the sound of a whimper brought me back to the present. I asked her if everything was OK. Amy simply replied no. "What in the world is going on! Why is she holding me so tightly?" The questions were running rampant through my mind. "All right Smalley, don't mess this one up," raced through my head as Amy invited me in.

The first few moments were quite awkward because Amy really started to let loose with the tears. Being a male, I resisted the thought to run like mad back to my car. I loved Amy too much to leave her now. Besides, could this be the answer to my prayers?

Amy lead me to the couch and sat down beside me. We were staring deep within each other's eyes, and it seemed as though Amy saw something in me. As our eyes locked, and my dream seemed more and more a reality, I thought, "How am I ever going to go to the bathroom!" It was insane. Here I was, in the position to truly show Amy how different I was from her fiancé. This was my chance to prove my love for Amy. To comfort her and to hold her. But no, I had to go to the bathroom.

I knew I was in trouble. I could just hear myself saying, "You know, I would love to hear what's wrong, and to comfort you through this seemingly impossible time, but I really have to pee."

The crying began to heighten, so I moved closer to Amy and put my arms around her once again, ignoring the pleas of my bladder. What was left of my emotions was destroyed when Amy buried her head into my shoulder. We were both crying. I could feel the rhythms of our two hearts beginning to beat as one. I felt … I felt as though God had made us both wait for each other. In some divine fashion, God revealed that day what true love was all about. Love was Amy and I together, holding each other as if no one else existed on earth. If Amy was not going to be the woman of my life, then at this moment, I knew I would be destined for the priesthood.

The first words from Amy's mouth were, "I just broke off my engagement". Had my dreams become so perverse that they were now being acted out in reality, or was I some sort of prophet? I had waited to hear these words for three painfully long years. Of course, I didn't know how to respond, so luckily I kept my mouth shut.

Amy preceded to talk for the next two hours about how she just didn't know if their relationship was meant to be. I couldn't have agreed more, but kept that to myself. I wanted to be understanding and I wanted to be a good listener, but after two hours I couldn't hold it any longer. I finally decided that this was the time, if ever there had been a perfect time, this was it. I needed to ask … I needed to know if I could use her restroom!

When I returned Amy had begun to cry again because she was now talking to her fiancé's father on the phone. She then started defending herself to his father, and the tears where falling like rain. I couldn't listen any more. I asked Amy if she needed me to get the father off the phone. But being the strong woman she was, Amy declined my knightly offer and let the father try and convince her to give his son another chance. I was quietly cheering every time Amy resisted the father's appeals.

Eventually the father gave up and Amy returned to the solitude of my shoulder. While holding her, I started to cry once more. The tears streamed down my face because I realized something. I knew that if I truly loved Amy, I would not take advantage of her situation. Sure, I could have used my debonair charm to sweep Amy off her feet and convince her rather easily that I was the one she was looking for. She probably would have agreed to date Snoopy at this point in her life. This is not what I wanted. I wanted what was best for Amy, and I felt that buying her one of my father's stinking marriage self-help books was the best.

We left for the mall the next day and were both nervous. Amy, because her engagement was falling a part, and myself because I knew she was the one, but didn't know if she could ever take me seriously as a boyfriend. It was a little too easy to find one of my father's books at the Christian bookstore. It almost defiantly jumped from the marriage section, and on the back read, "Truly joyful marriages are a lot of work … He (Gary) points out the common problems between husbands and wives. And he shows how to turn those troubles into teamwork". "Teamwork", I thought! That is just exactly what I don't want to happen. However, my better side took over and ended up purchasing the book for Amy, she was thrilled and I was getting angry. Why does this seem like some divine retribution for something I must have done in an earlier life!

However, things seemed to change for the better on the way back from the mall. Amy asked if I wanted to see a movie with her later on in the evening. I jumped at the opportunity and actually thought that Amy was starting to become interested in me. My soaring confidence was quickly dashed later on that evening. When we were walking up to the movie some friends from the Yell-leading squad were actually going to see the same movie. Again, I thought God must be having an awful lot of fun. When we sat down, somehow one of the guys managed to work his way between us. So I ended up sitting next to some stranger and was completely ignored throughout the entire movie while Amy and our friend talked the whole time. Some romantic evening this turned out to be!

As I dropped Amy off at her apartment after the movie we both stood at her doorway somewhat awkwardly. Then, without warning, Amy came close to me and hugged me gently. WOW! This was the second major hug I had received, but somehow, this time it was different.

Something magical happened this day.
A gift was given from Heaven above.
Its bow was the tears which opened my way,
To the heart and soul of my wonderful love.

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

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