Chapter 5: If I Could Only Be So Lucky

"Amy, there's something I've been wanting to ask you," My heart started to prepare for the worse. "I don't know how you feel, or what things are going through your mind … " The words were just not coming. I knew what I wanted to say, and I knew what my heart wanted to say, but I couldn't get my mouth to speak. It was too mind boggling. The woman of my dreams was here … with me … and I couldn't get the words to come out. Instead, words I didn't want to say came rushing out.

There are times in every person's life when dreams and reality mash together to make something wonderful. Here I was, standing at the crossroads of my own dreams and reality. But there was something missing. The heart and soul I yearned for still didn't know how I felt. I was in love and the woman of my affection was hurting.

But I loved her so much, I knew I had to say it. "Amy, would you … would you like me to set up a conference call with you and your fiancé, and my dad?"

These were not the words I had practiced so many times before. Though, my heart wanted me to say something different, my mind knew what I needed to say. I had to let go of Amy, and trust in God for someone special like Amy … maybe a clone? I understood I could not have anything to do with the break-up of Amy's relationship. The last thing I wanted was to trick, or worse, take advantage of Amy in her pain. If she was going to fall in love with me, she had to do it with a sound mind, a mind free from her fiancé … If that was God's plan.

Amy was thrilled to have a chance to meet with one of the nation's leading marriage experts. I wish I could have shared in her excitement. Never-the-less, I called my dad on the phone and set up a time for him to meet with Amy and her fiancé. My father had no idea of my feelings for Amy. He knew she was a friend from Yell-Leading, but nothing beyond that. My dad recalled meeting Amy at the Baylor football game in Colorado.

This was the first time Amy and I were partners at a game. I was beyond myself at the opportunity to spend four days with Amy in Colorado. I remember thinking that I would have her all to myself, well, besides the 50,000 Colorado Buffalo fans. That didn't matter. I could easily adapt the surroundings to fit in with my fantasy world. Instead of a stadium it was our mansion, and the 50,000 screaming fans were our servers. What a wonderful day!

Several days passed by before I heard from Amy again. She had the conference call with my father, but didn't say much about the phone call. I was dying to know what my dad had said. Though she didn't offer any clues or even a desire to talk about it. I let it go, until we hung up.

"Hey dad, how you doing?" I said as he picked up the phone. "You know, I was wondering what ever happened with that little phone call you had with my friend. Of course, you told them to end the engagement … right?" Maybe that last part isn't exactly correct. I might have said something like, "Were you able to help them", which was not what I wanted to ask because the first question was much more desirable.

What my father said next came as a complete shock to my system. Remember, he had no idea how I felt about Amy. "Well, to be honest, I asked her if she was hearing the same things that I was hearing", and while on the phone with him she answered, "Yes." My father said he was hearing some pretty serious relational issues that would have to be dealt with. "I'm not sure they are suited for each other".

Of coarse he's not the best for her, I'M THE BEST FOR HER. He gave them a few more resources to try and help their relationship. My father even told me that he hopes they work things out. He then went on citing a few reasons why he thought this, but I didn't hear any of them. They weren't important any more. The important information was that her fiancé might not be the best for her. My prayers were being answered, but now what? What should I do next?

The next thing I had to do was explain to Amy that I was leaving for New York and then Mazatlan, Mexico for five weeks. This was not at all what I wanted. I wanted to run over to her apartment and grab her in my arms, holding her as the sun arose over the Waco skyline, if I could convince myself that the Waco skyline was romantic enough.

Amy was curious why I was going to New York before I left for Mazatlan, Mexico. That's when I got to tell her I was meeting with Frank and Kathi Lee Gifford. We were getting ready to make the next infomercial for my dad's marriage videos. "You mean that you get to meet Kathi Lee!" Amy said with excitement. "Can we get together before you leave, I have something to ask you." It was working I thought myself. Now she's impressed. So I told her I would stop by her apartment on my way out of town.

When I arrived at Amy's apartment, my heart was pounding. Could this be it … is she finally going to notice me as someone she could date, or even marry? When I knocked on her door, my teeth were chattering. I thought for sure she would notice my uneasiness or worse yet, hear my teeth. What an impression. But before I opened my mouth, Amy said, "I wanted to ask … well … I wanted to ask if you could get me any of your dad's videos. I think they might really help us."

Will the pain ever end, I thought. "Sure, I would love to marry you" was what I was hoping to answer. Though I actually had to respond, "Sure, I can get some videos for you".

I met up with my father in Dallas. We were on the same plane to New York. As we were sitting down, I said to him "Way to go. Now she wants to get some of your videos, too. Why couldn't you have been something other than a marriage expert?" He was a little confused at this point. So I started to tell him our story, or at least my story about Amy and I. Within minutes, both of us were crying. He couldn't believe I had him try and help their engagement. "If you love her so much, then why do you want to help her relationship?" he asked. "It's because I do love her so much that I'm willing to lose her if it will make her happy".

We were silent for a few seconds. Then I realized something. I just told the biggest secret of my life to a man devoted to sharing everything about his life and family to millions of people. What was I thinking! I quickly made him promise he wouldn't tell my story to anyone. I even made him promise me a large sum of money if he did tell anyone. I knew the loss of that much money might be able to keep him quiet. At least I prayed it might. The situation was too sensitive. I feared anything might destroy my chances with Amy. I could just hear him saying, "Oh, by the way, Kathy, this idea not only can help a married couple, but singles like my son with this girl he's trying to date". I wanted her to know, but I didn't want her to find out on television. I was hoping for something a little more intimate. Later that night before I met Kathy Lee and Frank Gifford, I penned these words:

You know I told our story today.
I let someone feel my love for you.
The words were easy enough to say,
But how I wished the story were true.

I told him of my plans,
Of how my love would hold you tight
To make up for your sleepless nights.
Then you would have your love deserved,
And I would have you unreserved.

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

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