Recently I received a card in the mail from my wife. In it, she said that she loved me, that every year of our marriage was more fulfilling, and that she appreciated some of my recent attitudes and actions. There were no hints of hidden expectations in the card. She didn't ask for anything, but she sure made me want to do more for her.

Through the years, Norma's "no beg" attitude has inspired me to search for creative ways to express my love to her. And it all started with some tattered furniture in the early years of our marriage.

Norma was sick and tired of the pitiful "late garage" style furniture we owned. For months she begged me to replace it. "Gary, it's just awful. I'm so embarrassed when our friends come over. Ple-e-e-e-ase can we get some new furniture?"

I felt like a slave to her expectations. No matter what I do, she'll never be satisfied, I thought. I'm not about to buy her any new furniture with that attitude. (What a domineering attitude I had then!)

One day it dawned on me. She hasn't said a word about that furniture in over a year. She hasn't even dropped a hint about it. Sure enough, Norma had completely given up her expectations to the Lord (Ps. 62: 1-2). She started focusing more attention on her inner qualities. At that moment I was willing to do anything for her. I was so grateful for her "new" attitude that I asked her how much money she would like to withdraw from our savings account for new furniture. Then we marched down to the local furniture store and bought a couch, lamps, tables, chairs …

Norma's complaints accomplished nothing. But her nondemanding patience accomplished everything. Around our house we've noticed several factors make it easier for any family member to change: expressing the change you desire to see without attaching a time limit; showing appreciation for the slightest move toward change; showing acceptance and love regardless of change.

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center

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