How to Talk About Praise With Your Wife

1. Learn to "prime the pump."

Husband: What kind or praise do you really enjoy receiving from people?
Wife: Oh, I don't know. As long as it's sincere, I'll take it.
Husband: Do you feel I praise you enough?
Wife: I think so.
Husband: (priming the pump) How about last week's meals? Would you appreciate it if I let you know more often how much I enjoy your cooking?
Wife: Oh, yes, I remember I went to a lot of extra effort on two meals last week, and you didn't even mention it ….

Now you've got the water flowing. If you can take it, keep pumping. Show your concern and understanding by saying things like, "That must really hurt you when I don't say anything. You deserve a medal for putting up with me." Comfort her and let her get rid of some of her pent-up feelings.

Husband: Dear, remember last week when I thanked you for the meal? Did I over do it in front of Steve and Mary?
Wife: Don't worry about it—it's okay.
Husband: Even when I said, "I'm glad we had company over; she's never cooked better?"
Wife: Oh, yeah, I did feel bad. You made it sound like I don't cook good meals for you unless we have company.
Husband: I thought you might have felt bad. Let's see, what would have been a better way to say what I meant?

A husband needs to help his wife be as honest and straightforward as possible so he can know where the relationship is strained. So many times during our early married years I asked Norma not to "beat around the bush" or "play games with me." I needed the facts in order to adjust my behavior and learn how to be a better husband. I hope you encourage your wife to be as straightforward as possible to help build a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

Print this page

E-mail this page

Bookmark this page

Back to top