Question:
How can I help my husband to see that we need to be partners in working through the trauma that I suffered as a child and young adult, so we can develop an even stronger loving and trusting relationship?

Comment:
There are two things you can do to get your husband to understand your feelings and needs—and understand them almost immediately! We call these two methods LUV Talk and Word Pictures. LUV Talk is a communication method that provides structure and safety to communicate effectively during conflict. It completely eliminates the four divorce causing germs infecting marriages today.

Creating a Word Picture is a way of communicating which tells a story, much like the parables of the Bible, to get a point across. You create a word picture by tapping into something important to your husband. For example, if your husband is really into NASCAR, then you might want to relate your feelings to something about NASCAR. "Honey, how successful would Jeff Gordon be without his pit crew?" Your husband might say something like, "He'd stink, they are critical in teaming with Gordon to win the race, without his crew he'd be nothing." This is when you got him, because you then follow with, "Well, I'm struggling in my own race right now, and I don't feel like I have a pit crew helping me win the race. I can't do it by myself, and I need you to be my teammate during this healing time."

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

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