As parents, we can show our love by scheduling special times with the family. Communicating warm, loving approval to our children doesn't just happen naturally. I believe this time should be scheduled on a regular basis—preferably daily—because our children need us.

Schedule times that are meaningful for all persons involved. The activity itself is not so important, but it needs to be something that is enjoyable for both the child and the parent. Often the deepest relationships can be developed during the simplest activities.

As a family, we camp together frequently. It is during those times in the car, or lying in our sleeping bags, or waiting for a fish to bite when things are said that give us deep understanding about our children. These special times help us understand where they are going in life and what concerns them. Just being with them communicates they are loved. A parent's willingness to wait for conversation to develop further amplifies his or her child's self-worth.

One summer night we were in our motor home driving from Portland, Oregon, to Chicago. It was about 10:00 p.m. and everyone was asleep. I had planned to stop at a campsite around 11:00, but Kari, who was about thirteen years old at the time, was awakened and wandered up front and sat next to me. She brought up the subject of dating and marriage and we got involved in a most meaningful discussion about the consequences of premarital sexual involvement. We had no place to go. There was no telephone to interrupt us. There is no way I could have planned a more meaningful time together. We didn't need to stop for food. And she was, of course, highly interested in conversation. We stayed up until 2:00 a.m. while everyone else slept. These times seldom occur unless we plan time together. If our children see us neglect other things to spent time with them, they will realize how important they are to us.

I often wonder why we, as parents, are so reluctant to tell our children how valuable they are to us. We need to let them know regularly that they are tremendously important to us. On a scale from zero to ten, where do your children feel they rate in importance to you? My children know that they are about a nine to me. They are the most important things in my life other than my relationship with God and my wife. Sometimes I allow their value to drop to a four or seven, but I keep pushing it back up to nine with a conscious decision to value them. We have a practical parenting book with ideas called, The Key to Your Child's Heart. It is a super resource, filled with practical insights for understanding and encouraging your children.

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center

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