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Parenting Articles
What to Do if a Teenager Refuses to Forgive
When your teen's spirit is closed, because of your own actions, it is important to reflect tenderness, increase your own understanding, admit the offense, and seek forgiveness.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
What drives the arguments with your teen?
What is actually driving the arguments you have with your teenager?
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
Personal Responsibility: The Power of One
Your buttons get pushed every day.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
Resolving Anger with Your Teen
When my (Gary's) daughter, Kari, was 16, I once managed to close her spirit down tight in anger in just a few minutes.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
What Is Honor?
When you think of honoring someone, you may envision attending your teen's award dinner, asking a famous celebrity for an autograph, or cheering for your favorite team.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
The Best Ways to Help Your Teen
Adolescence. The word alone sends chills up the backs of many parents.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
Safety: Making the teen years your best years
One time when Greg was a teenager and our family was driving from Arizona to Missouri, we saw a clear example of why it's so dangerous to allow anger to take root in a home.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
Honor: The Greatest Principle of Life
During several summers of the Smalley kids' high-school years, they attended an outstanding sports camp called Kanakuk Kamp in Branson, Missouri.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
Focus on Creating Safety in Your Family
When people feel safe they are naturally inclined to open their hearts.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
Creating a Safe Environment for Your Teen
What is it about increasing honor and decreasing anger that is so important in creating a healthy home?
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 07/10/06
Giving Your Children Tender Treatment
An important aspect of communicating love to children is how parents act while with them.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 03/06/06
Help Children Visualize the Positive Results of Achieving their own Goals and the Negative Results of not Reaching their Goals
It was early in the basketball season and the team was doing quite well. But they were about to face a team which had humiliated them last year by thirty points.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 02/06/06
When Anger Hits Home
There's a verse in the Bible that summarizes the entire parenting process: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 01/09/06
Help Children Develop a More Positive Self-Image
A young boy who looked on the bright side of everything was given a ball and a bat by his father.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 01/03/06
Using Emotional Word Pictures to Motivate Your Children
During most ordinary days, family members can offend each other and experience hurtful and difficult times. They often wish that another family member could understand how they are feeling.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 12/19/05
Four Ways to Honor Teenagers
One way to communicate honor is to grant each child a high place in our lives and the loving respect that accompanies it.
by Drs. Gary and Greg Smalley | 12/12/05
What Happens When Your Teenager's Heart Closes?
When our heart closes, we often fall into trouble. There are hundreds of ways to offend your teen and close her heart, but we consistently see several that top the list.
by Dr. Gary and Greg Smalley | 11/28/05
Honor: The Greatest Principle of Life
During several summers of the Smalley kids' high-school years, they attended an outstanding sports camp called Kanakuk Kamp in Branson, Missouri. Their time at camp transformed their lives.
by Gary and Greg Smalley | 11/14/05
Healing the Whole in a Boy's Heart
Eric looked like all the other wrestlers standing around the large practice mats. He had on the same wrestling sweats. He was lean and wiry as if he went through all the roadwork and training sessions of the other boys his age.
by Dr. Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent | 11/07/05
Scheduled Times with Your Children
As parents, we can show our love by scheduling special times with the family. Communicating warm, loving approval to our children doesn't just happen naturally.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 09/26/05
Sharing Life Experiences with Your Family
Several years ago I used to speak to groups of four hundred to two thousand people in fifty cities annually. I began to notice that certain families in the audiences experienced unusually happy interaction among themselves.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 08/29/05
Six Characteristics of a Close-Knit Family
Dr. Stinnett discovered that there were six consistent characteristics among these families. First, family members expressed a high degree of appreciation for each other. Several families even created projects around the house to stimulate praise. For example, one household of five had an event Dr. Stinnett called "bombardment."
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 08/22/05
Eighty-four Ways We Can Offend Our Children
In my counseling and work with children around the country, I have asked many of them how their parents have offended them. I took their answers and compiled them. Here are some of their actual responses.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 08/01/05
Develop Strong Inner Convictions
I believe it is very important that parents periodically evaluate their convictions. What do we believe is right for the family, and what do we believe is wrong? What is right for our children and what is wrong for them? What does the Bible say is proper behavior, and what is behavior that contradicts God's standards?
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 07/25/05
How We Can Listen to Our Children in an Understanding Way
A necessary way of communicating love to our children is listening in an understanding way. Listening is one skill that many people take for granted.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 07/18/05
Tender Touching and Listening
Children can become discouraged for a number of reasons—an injury, lack of progress, knowing there is always someone who is just a little bit better. Any of these reasons can make a child lose his energy.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 06/27/05
Remember the Power of Praise
If, as a father, you had less than one minute each day to talk to your children, what would you tell them? Studies show that fathers, on the average, spend less than sixty seconds a day talking to their children, and most of that time is spent pointing out negative behavior.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 05/30/05
Building Friendships in the Family
Camping was another highlight of our kids' growing-up years. Without a doubt, they said, some of their greatest memories, some of the times they loved best, and some of the times they appreciated most were the family's camping trips.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 04/04/05
How to Help Your Teenager Develop Integrity
Over the years, my parents have attempted to teach me how to be a man of integrity. Integrity, however, is no a value that is simply passed on. It's something that must grow inside us.
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 04/04/05
Forgiveness: Honoring Our Parents
A necessary part of practicing the Power of One involves forgiveness, both giving it and asking for it. It's not easy to do, but those who want their relationships and their spiritual lives to flourish must become good at it. Helen's life tells the story of the difficult road to forgiveness.
by Dr. Gary Smalley, from The Gift of the Blessing | 03/07/05
Making Your Home a Safe Zone for Your Children
One evening while I was in my bedroom on a long distance phone call, my son Greg, five years old at the time, let out a bloodcurdling scream from the master bedroom.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 02/28/05
How Well Do You Know Your Teenager?
Do you know the following six things about your child?
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 02/14/05
The Secret of a Close-Knit Relationship
Several years ago, we interviewed healthy families across the country and asked them each the same question: "What do you believe is the main reason you are all so close and happy as a family?" What we found amazed us. Each family gave basically the same answer.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 01/10/05
Choking with Fear—a Father's Lesson
While I was on vacation this week, I noticed a number of people becoming upset with their children. I encountered one very dramatic scene. I saw a father explode in anger with his twelve-year-old son.
by Dr. Gary Smalley | 07/22/04
Communicating with Your Teenager
The years when a teenager is approaching the age at which he'll leave home—whether to go away for more education, for a job, or just to move out on his own—are a time when both parents and teens struggle to find their way.
by Michael Smalley | 07/06/04
What Ever Happened to that Bundle of Joy?
Do you ever wonder why that sweet, baby-powered bundle of joy who couldn't stand to be apart from you has turned into a tall stranger who wants to hide out in his room rather than be anywhere near you?
by Michael Smalley | 05/10/04
Validate Your Teen
At a marriage seminar we lead every month, we asked the adults: "What do you wish your parents had done differently during times of conflict when you were a teenager?" Can you guess what the top two answers were?
by Dr. Greg & Michael Smalley | 04/07/03
3 Must-Do Activities with Your Kids
You don't want your children leaving your home until all three of these activities are completed and engraved on their hearts.
by Michael Smalley | 04/04/04
The Priceless Lesson of Patience
When our kids were growing up we took as many family vacations as time and money would allow. We had to be creative most of the time to make a trip happen, but the results were always worth the process.
by Suzette Brawner | 03/16/04
Life Support: Take a Time-Out
Dick Vitale, the sports announcer for ESPN, has a common refrain: "Take a time-out, baby!" We doubt he ever thought he'd be used to help parents in conflict with their teenagers. However, this idea of taking a time-out is critical to decreasing tension in your home immediately, especially if you feel the need to defuse an emotional time bomb.
by Greg & Michael Smalley | 06/09/03
Preventing Future Problems
When families manage their conflicts poorly, more trouble follows. Maybe your teen loses respect for your advice and becomes constantly critical of your words and actions.
by Greg & Michael Smalley | 06/09/03
When Conflict Doesn't Go Your Way
Understanding the negative possibilities is the first step toward getting motivated to do better during your disagreements with your teen.
by Greg & Michael Smalley | 06/09/03
Dad and Greg's Excellent Communication Adventure
One day, while driving in northern California, our family became very tired and irritable. After a family vote we all (Dad, Mom, Michael, Kari, and me) decided to stretch our legs. Up the road a few miles, we found a beautiful river that had a special surprise.
by Greg & Michael Smalley | 05/22/03
One Question that Can Change Your Relationship with Your Teenager
You're probably wondering how one question can change your relationship with your teenager. It's difficult to believe that something so important could be so simple. You may be feeling angry, confused, hurt or perhaps even alone; but yes, this question can improve or even save your relationship with your teenager.
by Dr. Greg Smalley & Michael Smalley, M.A. | 01/27/03
Creating Family Harmony Through the Use of Contracts
People do what you inspect not what you expect! —Dr.HenryBrandt
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 01/27/03
Giving Your Teenagers the Key to Be Successful at Anything They Do
It has been said that there are only two lasting bequests that we can leave our offspring—one is roots, the other wings. —Dr. John Santrock
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 01/27/03
The Greatest American Hero
Heroes come in many different shapes and sizes. A hero is a person of great courage and dignity, who is admired for his daring and risky achievements. Most importantly, a hero is someone we respect and, perhaps, try to emulate.
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 01/27/03
Concrete Examples of Natural Consequences
Some examples for this section are borrowed from Foster Cline and Jim Fay's book, Parenting with Love and Logic. We would recommend this book to any parent. It goes into greater detail about teaching children responsibility through natural and logical consequences.
by Michael Smalley, M.A. | 01/27/03
Please Lord, Help Me!
Embarrassing! I hate to share this story, but I know, or at least hope, that I am not alone.
by Michael Smalley, M.A. | 01/27/03
Top Ten Conflicts with Teenagers
Conflict is not a surprising topic when we mention the words parents and teenagers in the same sentence. Our (Mike) household did not miss any of the top conflicts we will discuss further along in this chapter. I remember a specific argument I used to have with my mother on a weekly basis. I was the fun-loving, active teenager who struggled with the idea of cleanliness. But I especially struggled with cleaning the day the cleaning person would come to detail our house.
by Dr. Greg Smalley & Michael Smalley, M.A. | 01/27/03
Peek-A-Boo … I See You!
Several months ago, I had my youngest daughter, Maddy, sitting on my lap while we watched Barney for the sixty-seventh time in a row. Somehow, I had lost interest in what Baby Bop was singing about and fell sound asleep. I'm not sure how long I was out but it was long enough for Maddy to color several pages of her Barney coloring book on my lap.
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 01/13/03
Key to Your Child's Heart
You've read all the parenting books. You've tried their answers, but they sometimes defy the practicality of day-to-day living. And now you wonder, "What's the use? It's too difficult. My kids are going to end up resenting me anyway!"
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 01/13/03
Parenting Essentials: Natural Consequences
It was 12:00 a.m. and I (Michael) was no where to be found. My parents called my girlfriend's house to see if I had left yet, and she confirmed that I left about 20 minutes earlier. Now the worrying set in. "What if" questions sprung into the recesses of my parent's consciousness like a roaring river, flooding their thoughts until they finally released the situation to God.
by Michael Smalley, M.A. | 01/13/03
How You Impact Your Teen's Values Concerning Love, Sex & Marriage
"Doing unto others as you've seen done unto you!"
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 01/09/03
For the Love of Hannah
"Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails …"
by Dr. Greg Smalley | 01/08/03
Giving the Blessing
Brian spent a lifetime seeking his father's approval. His father wanted him to be the best and the brightest, and Brian tried—how desperately he tried! And when his father lay dying, Brian flew across the country to be by his bedside and plead one last time, "Please say you love me, please!"
01/08/03
Why Are Natural Consequences Important?
We will always be parents to our children, even when they have children of their own. However, we can not always be in control of their lives. At some point we are forced to let them leave the nest and fly off on their own. This can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting, but it is one of the most important. So we need to know how to best prepare our teenagers for the big, scary world just waiting to eat them up.
by Michael Smalley, M.A. | 01/08/03
The Dreaded "X": The Importance of Team Parenting
The "ex" relationship, now there's a challenge. How are you supposed to get along with someone you couldn't stay married to? Didn't you divorce so you could get away from them? So many divorced parents fail to realize just how important their relationship is going to be. The survival of their new single parent homes and their stepfamilies will often depend on the strength of this "ex" relationship.
by Dr. David Swift | 01/07/03
The Power of Touch
We consistently underestimate it. Undersell it. Undervalue it. Under use it. Yet touch has the power to instantly calm, reassure, transfer courage, and stabilize a situation beginning to spin out of control. To the degree that we choose to employ it in our family relationships, we will push back the threatening shadows of anger, bitterness, loneliness, and insecurity.
12/19/02
Tenderness Under Trial
As my children have grown, I have seen the fruit of consistent tenderness in their lives. My family is used to being hugged. Sometimes my twenty-four-year-old Kari will grab her brother Michael, nineteen, and give him a big kiss. Mike puts up a big front and mimics a little bush being sprayed with insecticide.
by Dr. Garg Smalley | 12/19/02
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