Q: My mom passed away last month, leaving my 88 year old father. He can no longer care for himself, and needs full-time care. I love my father and want the best for him. Moving him in with me would not be in his best interest because of my struggling marriage. I do not feel like a good daughter moving him into a nursing home. My other siblings are looking to me to make decisions for dad. Am I wrong for the shame that I feel in moving my dad into a nursing home?

A: First of all, my heart goes out to you at the passing of your mom. I know there is much emotion surrounding the decisions you must make.

There are many options for caring for your dad. You have mentioned two: nursing home and moving in with you. There are also the options of in-home care, living with one of your siblings, moving to a house closer to you so you can check on him regularly, or even assisted living. The key is that you accept the responsibility of your father. The Bible is clear that your family is your responsibility (1 Timothy 5), not the governments.

It sounds like you have accepted the responsibility and I am proud of you for that. Make sure you keep your dad involved in the decision making process. Even though you will be the one implementing plans, your dad can still give input into them.

Senior residential communities can provide activities, relationships and care at a level that adult children sometimes can not. The key is that the decision is made in the best interest of your dad and not solely out of convenience.

Blessings to you as you care for your dad. So long as you embrace the responsibility, choose whatever option best cares for your father.

© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center

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