home » articles » question of the week
Question of the Week
Week of 01/29/07
Q: I am awful at confrontation, but then again, I assume most people are. Do you have any suggestions for confronting well?
A: A pastor from Chicago uses the term "The Last 10%." It is a powerful tool for confronting well. Here's what it means. When a hard conversation needs to take place, we usually can get the first 90% out with minimal lower lip quivering. It's the last 10% that is the most important part of the conversation, yet the hardest to get out. It's the elephant in the room. Here are some of my suggestions for the last 10%:
1. Keep it short and simple. Start by asking permission to share. Lead out with, "I need to share with you the last 10%." "Don't talk too much, for it fosters sin. Be sensible and turn off the flow!" Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)
2. Keep the focus on the relationship, not the issue. The last 10% is not to be shared with waiters, cashiers or people you meet on the street. The last 10% is meant for your close relationships and is a tool to help you work through conflict. Keep in mind that conflict is a valuable crossroads to deeper intimacy. "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up" 1 Corinthians 8:1. Relationships are more important than opinions.
3. Keep it face to face. Never share the last 10% in an email and when possible avoid phone calls.
The hard conversations provide great opportunities for growing great relationships. Your approach is everything and will show your true heart.
Blessings.
© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center
» read more from 'question of the week'
 Print this page
 E-mail this page
 Bookmark this page
 Back to top
| 
