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Question of the Week
Week of 04/02/07
Q: Dating was great. Our marriage is not so great. What happened to the love and excitement we once had?
A: Dating is all about curiosity and fascination. We spend countless hours getting to know the one we love. We ask great questions diving deep into the heart of another. In the Song of Solomon, King Solomon paints a wonderful word picture of this stage of love:
My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
S of S 2:14
Solomon is saying "I want to get to know you." He loves it when she speaks and shares herself with him. He wants to communicate with her.
Marriage brings a new component: duty and responsibility. When you are dating, you don't share bills, household chores, and child rearing. We must guard ourselves from becoming responsible spouses and lousy lovers all at the same time.
The key is to NOT replace curiosity and fascination with duty and responsibility. We must balance both. My wife did not fall in love with me because of my job or the fact that I was great at mowing the lawn, but because I got to know her. She felt what Solomon's bride-to-be felt a few verses later: My lover is mine and I am his (v 16).
Continue to ask each other great questions to get to know each other deeply. Keep a regular date night, free from distractions. Revisit some of the places you would frequent on your first dates. If they are too far away, reminisce about your favorite restaurants, past vacations, your honeymoon spot, etc.
After 40 years of marriage, I am still finding out new nuggets about Norma. I am very fascinated by her!
Blessings!
© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center
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