Q: I'm having a very difficult time connecting with my husband of 3 years now. Dating was exciting and our first year of marriage was romantic and hot. Now, it seems like we are going into the "rut" stage. We fit the generalities of the differences of men and women, but was wondering if you could shed some light on the key differences between men and women as to give me a better understanding of men (My husband in particular)? Thanks.

A: Over the years I have come up with five significant differences between men and women. A lot of this is based on the fact the women are bilateral in their brain activity and men tend to be lateral brained. This can make a potentially great marriage a strained marriage if the differences are not honored. At the same time, these differences are not to be exploited or used as excuses for poor, non-caring behaviors. Let me show what these five are:

1-Men tend to want to discover and express facts. Women on the other had like to express intuition and their emotions, which is more right brained. Men tend to be more left brained. One study used microphones to monitor little boys and girls, from 2 to 4 years of age and recorded every sound that came out of their mouths. They discovered that 100% of the noises coming out of the little girls' mouth had something to do with conversation, either with herself or someone else. This is a just a physiological difference.

2-Men need solutions. This is the majority of men. Women need to give sympathy and they love to express their feelings and emotions. Kids usually come to Mom for sympathy, not dad. We will give them a lecture. What does the average man want to do on a trip or vacation? We want to conquer 400 miles. We get in the car and drive down the road. Everybody gets hungry. "When are we going to stop?" "We are not on schedule." We don't want to stop. Do you know why? It's because we see all these cars passing by and we think we passed all those cars already. "Hurry up and eat will you so we can get back on the road. I have to get back and pass those cars." Why is that? It is because we are into conquering.

3-Men tend to be more objective and women tend to be more personal. Now how does this apply? Take football for example. Why is hard for a woman to watch a football game with you on TV? They usually walk right by. Why is that? They don't know anyone down there on the field. There is no intimate relationship taking place down there. It is not as relational. They are much more personal.

4-Men can separate who we are from our surroundings. It is much more difficult for a woman to separate her being from her home and her children and her job. Everything becomes a part of her identity. I get my identity from what I do. Women get their identity largely from who they know. That has tremendous implication because I will pour a lot of my energy into what I do. Even if you are a full-time career woman, you will still tend to want those relationships both at work and at home.

5-We tend to generalize things as males and women tend to get very detailed. Do you know one of the reasons I have discovered that you get very detailed? Do you know why you can remember? The average woman can remember what you did to her 10 years ago and what you were wearing when you did it. Why is that? This is an absolute phenomenon to me. I have discovered that women go through life experiencing everything on both sides of their brain and because you experience things on the right side of your brain, it touches your feelings. The more things we experience with our feelings, the easier it is for us to remember it. Even in your schoolwork and studies, when you try to remember information from your right brain and feelings, you tend to remember it longer. I don't know why. Women are always experiencing everything on both sides of their brain.

© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center

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