Q: I know forgiveness is not an option for the follower of Jesus. But my husband has committed the "unpardonable sin" of marriage. I can't let it go. Remind me again why I need to forgive him.

A: The word forgiveness combines two ideas. The first idea is to erase or untie knots. The second is restoration. When you choose to forgive you, you untie the knots put into a relationship by letting go of the offense. That means that when you refuse to resolve relationship issues, knots and tangles of resentment and bitterness thicken in your subconscious mind. They ensnare you and tie you up. When you're ensnared, you can't enjoy the freedom and joy God desires to give you. The moment you forgive someone, God unties your own tangles. He frees your heart and releases his grace and power to love others.

To use another metaphor, forgiveness means erasing the offending incident from the relationship's story. Forgiveness means going to the marker board and completely wiping away all the wrongs done to you. Whatever your mate did is gone. The board is blank. The issue is not there anymore. That's what forgiveness means. Thus the offending mate is released from the guilt he or she would carry, and the offended mate is relieved of all the baggage of bitterness, resentment, and anger that can weigh one down in response to offenses.

That's why the Bible instructs, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31-32.)

Marriage and all relationships will never work unless you create an atmosphere of forgiveness. You may be tempted to say, "What this person has done to me is unforgivable." But before you do, you need to remember all that God has forgiven for you. Your ability to forgive your mate is solely based on your understanding of how much God has forgiven you. Show me an unforgiving person and I will show you someone that does not understand all that they have done against Christ. Show me an unforgiving person and I will show you someone that is oblivious to the fact they are standing in a rattlesnake pit. They don't see the snakes. They are clueless. They don't realize that Christ died so they don't have to live in the pit.

Cultivate an atmosphere of forgiveness in your marriage and you'll find it developing in every aspect of your life.

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

Print this page

E-mail this page

Bookmark this page

Back to top