Q: Marriage is tough. Kids are a challenge and exhausting. There are plenty of times when I want to throw my hands up and quit it all. When does my happiness get considered?

A: One thing I have noticed in modern (and postmodern) Christianity is this idea that Christians must be happy at all times. I don't believe that the Bible teaches that we are suppose to be sad or angry all the time, but it does make allowance for times that are tough and feelings of sadness.

The more I read Scripture, the more a blaring principle jumps out at me: Choose Character over Happiness.

Now Solomon was the wisest man who walked the earth. He had knowledge and insights into everything—from how to manage money to maintain the best marriages. And he shared his wisdom with us in the book of Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon. One of my favorite Solomonisms comes from Ecclesiastes 7:3 which says, "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart." That may seem a little depressing at first, but here's what Solomon is really saying: pain is meant to shape us. Pain can be used by God to mold you into his image and to allow the fruits of the spirit to grow in your life in fuller measure.

I look back on the most painful times of my life. At the time I hated them. I want them to pass. I wanted things to change. But now as I look back, I realize that those were moments when God was growing me. I was being conformed to the image of Christ.

Choosing character over happiness means…

• God gave you your mate to make you holy, not happy (happiness flows from holiness)



• Marriage is the best tool I know for making you more like Jesus



• Marriage builds character through patience and endurance



• Character is not built overnight and neither is your marriage. It takes more than years, it takes a lifetime



• No one on earth will ever know you better than your spouse, so they are a partner in character development. They help you quickly identify chinks in your armor.

In finishing well always choose character even when it leads you down a difficult, painful or hard road. The person who is constantly looking for the easy way out is not going to be shaped or become all they're created to be.

Find joy in the opportunities for growth. Blessings!

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

Print this page

E-mail this page

Bookmark this page

Back to top