Q: I hate my ex-wife. There, I said it. Most Christian people won't say that out loud, even though they feel it inside. I don't want to hate her, but the last 10 years have been some of the most bitter and ugly years of my life. I don't want to hate. Please help.

A: I love the commercials for the banks that will bake cookies and place them in the lobby. Got news for you. When they foreclose on your home, they are not going to show up with a plate of warm cookies. They are not going say I'm so glad you are our customer, now here have a cookie and your stuff has to be out of here by noon. The point is that it is easy to offer the cookie to the person who is easy to get along with. It's easy to say we are in the customer service business when the customer is easy to get along with. It takes work to be great at customer service when the customer is difficult.

Same goes for loving people. Loving the easy the get along with is not hard. It takes guts to love those who are difficult.

When I meet a couple that is using the word hate, I still can encourage them with scripture. Even when they have stopped loving each other as husband and wife, they are still commanded to love one another. I still have something that works and it's "love your enemies." This is what Jesus said in Matthew 5:44-48.

Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you…" Let me add to that: if you get along with those who are easy to get along with; if you enjoy spending time with the pleasant people, not those who hurt you and not those who are difficult or different or even dangerous; if love the easy to love people, he is saying how hard is that? "…What reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

Loving the unlovable is a mark of maturity in your life. Plainly stated, love is a decision you must make. Follow through with prayer and hiding God's Word in your heart. Start with this passage in Matthew 5.

Blessings!

© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center

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