Q: My husband and I have been married for almost 15 year. I have been a Christian ever since I can remember. When I married my husband, he was not saved. However, after attending and joining a church in our area, both of us have experienced life change. My husband is now saved and my relationship with Christ has become the center of my life.

My question is this. Throughout our marriage, we have made the choice to not have children. First, I suppose I am always unsure of whether this decision is acceptable in the sight of the Lord. Second, although I know we are in the minority, there seems to be very little support/recognition in the church for couples who do not feel called to be parents. Wouldn't God give me the "motherly instinct" that most other women feel if He wanted me to have children? I feel that in general, the church views having children is a given. There must be other couples in this same situation. We would love some direction here. Your thoughts?

A: Let me start by saying that I completely understand where you are coming from. Sometimes the church teaches and conducts ministry assuming everyone in the congregation is married and has kids. Many times, we unintentionally marginalize singles, single parents, couples who are trying to have children but can't and couples who have chosen to not have children. Much of this centers on what the majority represents, not what the bible mandates.

First, let me address whether or not your decision is acceptable in the eyes of the Lord. Scripture does not mandate marriage or parenting for each person. The Apostle Paul actually encourages singles, if they can, to stay single in 1 Corinthians 7: "I think that it is good for you to remain as you are" (verse 26). He goes on to say that an unmarried man has more time and energy to devote to ministry. However, if you choose to stay single and not marry, you must also remain a virgin.

Some will also use the individual decree of God to Adam and Eve found in Genesis 1:27-28 to be "fruitful and multiply" as a command, or precept, for all men. This passage is not to be taken out of context and applied to every marriage. This decree is part of the creation account. Marriage is the first institution God ordained. My view is that husband and wife constitute a family.

As a church we must be sensitive and careful that we do not marginalize the seasons of life of our family members.

Be blessed!

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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