Q: I am a husband, married to the same woman for over 30 years. I am addicted to internet pornography. It has destroyed the security and intimacy of my marriage. Even though I have not verbally compared my wife to the women I see online, I do compare her every time we make love. Where do I start in cleaning up my life and restoring my thought life?

A: You have already started. Admitting your sin is the first step. I am so encouraged by your desire and willingness to change.

First, get serious with God and confess your sin and that which you have placed before your eyes. He forgives.

Second, recognize the basic motive behind lust. Lust is not serving a person in love; it is viewing a person as an object to be used. And Galatians 5:13 says we are not to use our freedom in Christ to indulge sexual pleasure. Instead, we are to use our freedom to serve.

Lust makes us think that having some person we don't presently have would make us happier. Often that person is simply a figment of our imagination. Usually our lust focuses on sexual involvement. We imagine that if we had such a person to hold in our arms, it would be exciting and wonderfully fulfilling. This is a terrible deception, for we forget or ignore the devastating consequences of living out our imaginations.

Sensual imaginations reveal our selfish desire for stimulation. Unchecked, sensual stimulation actually increases the desire. We see this exhibited in several ways. For example, one of the primary reasons people smoke or consume alcohol or drugs is to stimulate their physical senses. As a person continues in this selfish frame of mind, the desire grows until he or she needs regular and increasing doses of stimulation.

Third, open up the lines of communication with your wife. Share tendencies, not details. She does not need to know every detail and image in your head, but she does need to know your struggles. I have been very open with my wife about what tempts me and it has added great security to our marriage.

Fourth, get accountability. Get into a mens small group and seek men who will ask you the tough questions. This may also mean giving up internet access at home or at work all together. Your walk with the Lord and your spouse is far more important than accessing the internet.

We must get serious about protecting our eyes and ultimately our marriages.

Blessings!

© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center

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