Q: I heard that Gary Smalley struggled with lust. I am a 64 yr old Christian man and badly need help in this area. Can you help?

A: Couple of years back, I was out of town and decided to walk two miles along a quiet road. Before long, a beautiful girl wearing the briefest of shorts and skimpiest of halter tops jogged by. After she passed I asked myself: Why do I, at 65, still have lustful thoughts? When will I stop being tempted as if I were still 16-years-old? It occurred to me that if all my feelings and actions come from the beliefs in my heart, maybe I have a belief from childhood that's driving my thoughts. I know that if we lack wisdom, we can always ask God. We can talk to him about anything without feeling embarrassed. So I decided to ask God where my struggle with lust came from.

Within minutes it hit me. I was raised by a father and older siblings who seemed totally focused on seeking pleasure for themselves regardless of the feelings or needs of others around them. Most of their attention was on things like fishing, hunting, movies, food, dating, sex, affairs, gambling, vacations, water sports, skiing, or anything that would bring the greatest amount of pleasure or power. So I grew up with the basic belief instilled into me that life was about my personal pleasure and gratification. Without even being aware of it, this belief crept into my heart.

Scriptures began flashing through my mind that taught the very opposite. One of them was Galatians 5:13, "For you, dear friends, have been called to live in freedom—not freedom to satisfy your fleshly pleasures, but freedom to serve one another in love." My freedom in Christ was not given to enable me to pursue sexual or exciting pleasures, but rather to serve others by loving them in the same way that I wanted to be loved. The focus was not to be on me and my gratification, but on the good of the other person. Instead of serving myself, I get to serve others. When we adopt the attitude that we are here to serve, just as Christ was, it will affect all areas of our lives.

As I walked that morning, I repeated Galatians 5:13 over and over again in my mind, working the principle of service into my heart to replace the selfishness of lustful thoughts. Day after day I began to think more about serving others through love than about using others for my pleasure. As I focused on changing my beliefs by hiding God's word in my heart, I was amazed at how fast my actions changed naturally. Within two weeks of memorizing this verse and repeating it back to God from morning until night, lustful thoughts began to disappear. Now when a lustful thought starts to move toward me, I simply say to God, "I used to be a pleasure seeker Lord, but you have given me the power to serve others through your love." Instead of fantasying about some girl, I imagine just how much God loves her. And I hope she knows how much God loves her too!

Find a good friend to confide in. Share your struggle and ask him to encourage you. Hebrews 10:25 says, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…" The word encourage in this verse is parakaleo, which means to summon alongside for the purpose of strengthening, pleading and urging. You need a parakaleo in your life. Work on verses together.

You can do this! Blessings!

© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center

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