Q: My husband is not a believer. He even makes fun of my faith. He has allowed me to raise our kids in the church, but he has no desire for a relationship with God. I so desire a man who loves God. Why can't I have a guy who loves God?

A: First Corinthians says "And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him" (7:3). God can use you to bring your husband to faith. But the way you do that is not by preaching to him.

First Peter 3 is an encouraging passage. It offers insight to a believing wife married to an unbelieving husband. Your husband can be influenced by your changed life. When you pursue the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, you can't help but be transformed. When you are truly growing in the Lord, you will naturally become a more gentle, kind and loving person. That means that you don't wait for your spouse to go to church, start reading the Bible, join a small group or pray every day. Instead, you live your life as an example of those things and more. When you make every effort to seek your fulfillment from God, you'll find yourself not just lavished in God's love but also better able to lavish your spouse with love.

The real secret to creating more hunger in your spouse if he or she does not believe in God is by letting your mate see a model of someone becoming more like Christ without any signs of criticism from you about his or her behavior. Most people haven't seen a person who has hidden God's words within his or her heart and thus been led to godly transformation, or who has submitted to the Holy Spirit and thus has received amazing power to both love and bless others. When these two habits are formed in you, your unbelieving mate can discover the reality of God and His ways. When you're not being critical, your spouse gets to witness a real live model of God's transforming power in action.

The worst thing you can do is try to coerce your husband to change. James 4:6 says "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." If you keep trying to change your mate, God will stand against that. Let God work in your husband. Believe that God can change him. Pray for that every day.

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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