Q: Here is a question from a couple: We know we are opposites when it comes to our personalities. One of us is the strong willed personality and one of us is the fun-loving type. We need some help in getting along better, especially in front of the kids.

A: The Powerful Personality (formerly known as the LION personality) loves making decisions. They are naturally task-oriented and the focus is on getting things done. Powerful Personalities naturally step up to leadership opportunities. They're quick to take the reins of a project or activity. They aren't afraid of competition or confrontation.

If left unchecked, the Powerful Personality has a natural tendency to think, it's my way or the highway. As a result, they can undermine relationships within a community or working environment. If a Powerful Personality gets out of balance, they may use their gung-ho leadership skills to mow over or intimidate others. The result can be a lot of relational carnage.

The Party Personality (formerly known as the OTTER personality) is all about fun. We are going to have a ball. The Party Personality will cheer you on. If you think something is not such a good idea, just call a Party Personality. They'll tell you, "That's the most brilliant thing I have ever heard in my life!" The Party Personality is always on the go. They're ready to try a new sport, jump out of a plane, or catch a concert—last minute. Along the way, they'll make sure the laughter is loud and everyone gets to hear some of their best stories.

Unfortunately, as enjoyable as the Party Personality is to be around, they also have their blind spots—like doing the work needed to throw the party. Though they may love to be the center of attention at the party that doesn't mean they should be the ones to throw the party! Their organizational skills leave much to be desired. All their excitement can lead to an overbearing presence. While they have a lot to say when it comes to making a decision, they may be too busy having fun to actually be a part of following through on that decision.

Tips to Getting Along with the Powerful Personality: If you're a Powerful Personality yourself, then you need to make room for others to work together effectively. If you're married to another Powerful Personality, then we highly encourage you to get counseling. You're a "war" waiting to happen. It will pay off for years to come as you to live together patiently, become great listeners and learn to soften any dogmatism. If you do, know that as a couple you really can change the world together! This personality type loves loyalty. Anything you can say or do that expresses "I am on your side" or "I am on your team" builds trust. When asking questions of the personality come from the perspective of "I want to understand" not "I want to be in control."

Tips to Getting Along with the Party Personality: We could all stand to lighten up just a bit. The party personality reminds us to do just that. Avoid belittling this personality with constant words like, "Come on get serious!" or "Why don't you ever take things seriously?" If your spouse is a Party Personality then celebrate their motivation and visionary talents. Those are powerful factors of a great home. Don't stifle their creativity. Give them room to explore new ideas and projects.

Blessings

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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