Question of the Week - Smalley Relationship Center

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home » articles » question of the week

Question of the Week
Week of 05/01/07

Q: What is an appropriate timeframe for courting before engagement and marriage? It seems common in the church to date for no more than about two or three years before engagement. Are there any particular emotional or spiritual "markers" for when it's right to get engaged, or is it a more subjective and open-ended issue?

A: Don't stop with the question, "Is this person a Christian?" You need to ask a much deeper question than that: "Is this person I am thinking about marrying displaying the character and mind of Christ?"

I wouldn't stress over the time issue, but would look deep into the character of the individual. It is a subjective, open-ended issue when it comes to the length of dating or engagement. But there is not an ounce of subjectivity when it comes to maturity and character. Make sure he or she loves the Lord with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength. And look for the "markers" that are displaying that love in their lives.

Blessings!

Information provided in the Question of the Week column is provided for educational and informational use only. The column is not necessarily created or approved by a certified mental health professional, and is not intended to be used in lieu of professional medical or psychological help.

We suggest you consult an appropriate health care provider in your community regarding how the information in the column applies to your specific situation. Phone numbers are provided solely as a service to our users, and in accordance with the Terms and Conditions:

If you desire to find a Christian counselor in your area, we highly recommend the Focus on the Family referral numbers:
800-232-6459 | 800-494-7355 (emergency)

If your marriage is in crisis, please contact Michael and Amy Smalley's Marriage Restoration Intensive program at (866) 581-0687. There are one-day Marriage Restoration Intensives for one couple and one therapist as well as two-day Marriage Restoration Group Intensives for up to 6 couples.

For the National Institute of Marriage Intensives information call: 866-875-2915

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