Q: My wife and I need help getting on the same page. With each step in this marriage it feels like we are going in opposite directions. We live in constant frustration towards each other. Please help.

A: (Part 4 of 4)

We are taking an entire month to answer the above question. The goal of this time is for you to discover your spouse's personality type and learn many ways to understand and appreciate him or her. I want to encourage you to go back and review Parts 1, 2 and 3 if you have not already done so.

This week we are looking at THE POWERFUL PERSONALITY (also called the Lion)

The Powerful Personality loves making decisions. They are naturally task-oriented and the focus is on getting things done. Powerful Personalities naturally step up to leadership opportunities. They're quick to take the reins of a project or activity. They aren't afraid of competition or confrontation.

The Powerful Personality tends to look at relationships as I'm your coach, not your friend. They tend to have high expectations of themselves and others. They are not afraid to speak up, and they're willing to do what it takes to make sure the job gets done.

• Let's get it done
• Let's do it my way
• Give me just enough details in the conversation

If left unchecked, the Powerful Personality has a natural tendency to think, it's my way or the highway. As a result, they can undermine relationships within a community or working environment. If a Powerful Personality gets out of balance, they may use their gung-ho leadership skills to mow over or intimidate others. The result can be a lot of relational carnage. The Precise Personality thrives during extended board room meetings. They are satisfied when their schedule is filled with short, timely meetings. The Pleaser Personality likes groups to be smaller. They tend to be more introverted. The Party Personality is convinced that the more people—the merrier! The Powerful Personality is the only personality that doesn't get along with itself. If you put two Powerful Personalities in a cage, we joke that only one will come out alive.

Tips to Getting Along with the Party Personality: If you're a Powerful Personality yourself, then you need to make room for others to work together effectively. If you're married to another Powerful Personality, then we highly encourage you to get counseling. You're a "war" waiting to happen. It will pay off for years to come as you to live together patiently, become great listeners and learn to soften any dogmatism. If you do, know that as a couple you really can change the world together! This personality type loves loyalty. Anything you can say or do that expresses "I am on your side" or "I am on your team" builds trust. When asking questions of the personality come from the perspective of "I want to understand" not "I want to be in control."

Tips to Getting Along if you're the Party Personality: You need to add balance to your personality by adding softness. Study ways to become a better listener. Learn that not every statement needs a response. Tame your words with love and your tone with gentleness. Look for opportunities to take other people's feelings into account.

For further study on personalities, I want to encourage you to check out a great DVD test called PERSONALITY PROFILE FOR COUPLES. It is available at the following link: http://store.dnaofrelationships.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=412

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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