Q: I am a married woman and I fear that my husband is not my soul mate. Could our incompatibility be the source of our failing marriage?

A: There are a variety of unhealthy questions people ask as they get married, including:

• What's in it for me?



• Will I be happy?



• Is this person going to care for me?



• Is this person going to provide for me?



• Is this person going meet all of my needs?



• Is this person my soul mate?

Some people believe their marriage is bad because they didn't marry their soul mate. That's simply not true. The concept of soul mates (sometimes referred to as twin souls) has its roots in the idea of reincarnation. The soul of the one you are looking for has lived other lives with your past selves, and your souls have connected. Plato, an ancient Greek philosopher, referred to a soul mate as the other half. The concept of a soul mate has no biblical basis and sets up an excusable escape for couples.

I've had married people tell me, "Well, I think he is a great guy—he's just not the guy for me," and "I think she's wonderful and she'll make somebody very happy—she's just not making me happy." These are the wrong perspectives for sustaining a healthy marriage.

What are the right questions? Here is the foundation for getting your marriage off on the right foot and staying there:

• Am I demonstrating the loving image and character of Jesus Christ? If I'm not, I need to get His words into my heart so that I don't sin against God or my mate.



• Have I taken responsibility for my own actions and reactions? If not, I need to get off of my mate's case and get the help I need from God first and then from other wise counsel.



• Do I understand that within me there is a self-destructive sin nature that only God can fix?



• Do I understand that I make mistakes, I fail and I grieve the heart of God?



• Have I ever cried out to God as a beggar and admitted that I am helpless apart from Him in becoming the mate I need to be?



• Do I understand that because of Adam and Eve, I am now dealing with inherited sin?



• Do I know that sin is basically doing my own thing and ignoring God?



• When my spouse sees my deep love and transformation, will he or she want to join me on the spiritual journey?

The Bible says that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). We all deal with this issue of sin. The question is how do we respond? Romans 10:9-10 instructs us to declare Him as Lord (or as boss) of our life and believe in our heart that God has raised Jesus from the dead; then, the Bible says, we will be saved. It is a one-time decision (justification) followed by or made evident in lifestyle change (sanctification).

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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