Q: My parents think that I am rushing my marriage. I am a 20 year old young man, who wants to marry in a bad way. I have found a great young lady and know she is the one. Is 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul gives marriage as a solution to lust, a good reason to marry?

A: I never encourage anyone to rush into marriage just to have sex. That is one of the worst things you can do. If you don't cultivate the five areas that constitute a healthy relationship—character, curiosity and fascination, connection, good conflict resolution and commitment—you'll only be running toward an unhealthy relationship. We have been through that rodeo way too many times in our counseling office, and it doesn't work. Marriage is a valid solution to desire to have sex (1 Corinthians 7). However, Paul is not validating a rushed marriage.

Solomon advises, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Songs 3:5), and I believe this is one of his most brilliant pieces of wisdom.

Lay the foundation for a great marriage by cultivating your character. Part of your character is practicing self-control.

The bottom line: You are an adult. While your parents can give you valuable wisdom, you ultimately decide. Seek as much wise counsel as possible. Ask your parents, pastors, small group leaders, Sunday school teachers, and whoever you can find to help you discern whether or not you are rushing this marriage.

I for one say, marry for ALL the right reasons and with the right timing!

Blessings!

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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