Q. How do you define community?
A. Generally the word is used to describe a given geographical group of people such as Morristown, NJ. But in truth, Morristown is nothing more than a body of people with a certain tax base and a few shared social services. There is little else that relates them together as human beings.

Similarly, we may refer to the Third Presbyterian Church on the corner as being a community of Christians. Unfortunately, most parishioners can't even talk to each other about what is most important to them. That does not sound like community to me.

I define community as more than a geographical gathering such as a town or a church. A community is a group of people who have made a commitment to learn to communicate with each other with increasing depth, authenticity, honesty, and vulnerability.

Q. What are some things we do that inhibit community-building in the church?
A. For one thing, the very architecture of our churches discourages people from getting together in community. We often divide up into rows and pews and face an authority figure. We've also lost the tradition of public confession. The early Christians, who had an extraordinary sense of community, had a healthy tradition of confessing their sins to one another. By public confession, I don't mean something rote that everyone says in unison. I mean the kind of confession where people get up and talk about their lives and say, "Gee, I goofed in this area of my life and I'm sorry. I need your help to not do this again." Or, "This tragedy has happened in my life and I am grieving. I really need your support right now."

Somewhere along the line—probably when the church became legal and safe—this tradition was dropped. Confession became something one did privately in the darkest corners of the church, in a confessional box, talking to a person he couldn't even see—or, as in recent years, in front of a psychiatrist where there is guaranteed confidentiality. Unfortunately, today's church is not a place where people can learn how to be authentic and honest with each other and receive the kind of solace they need.

Q. What do we as individuals do to inhibit community?
A. Possibly the biggest barrier to community is our tradition of rugged American individualism. This tradition calls us to be self-sufficient, to be captains of our own ships, masters of our destinies. When taken out of perspective, this leads us to believe that in order to be successful we have to look like we've got it all together. We pretend we're in total control of our lives and don't have any problems—we sit in church behind a mask of composure and hide our weaknesses. However, we can never become totally whole by ourselves—we are interdependent. Recognizing this is key to building intimacy and community.

Q. What role can small groups play in building community?
A. First, I would say that breaking people into small groups does not automatically build community. Small groups are not a "quick fix." Building community—even in small groups—is hard work. However I think that some type of small group involvement is essential in building community.

Another rule for small groups is, stop trying to convert, fix, or heal each other! It's not "somebody fixing somebody else." But strangely enough, once a group becomes a community, healing and converting starts to take place.

Building community in a congregation takes a lot of work, time, and willingness. The individuals in the group have to empty themselves of anything—likes or dislikes, prejudices, the need to talk or not to talk—that stands between them and community. To build genuine New Testament community, group members must learn to communicate with each other more vulnerably, more intimately, and more lovingly on an ongoing basis.

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center

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