Smalley Online—Liz had just been appointed leader of the small group that met every Monday evening in her home. Her pastor had asked her to lead it when he found out she'd been a small group leader at her university.

Liz's experience with the campus group had consisted of filling in as group leader for six weeks after someone else backed out at the last minute. She was untrained, but she survived the experiment and the group seemed happy with the results.

Now here she was with the church group—three men, five women. After just three weeks she was worried about how the group was doing, but she couldn't identify the source of her discomfort. She thought about calling the pastor, but she worked during the day and he was always busy in the evening. Besides, she knew he had a heavy workload and little time to be with his family.

Liz was relatively new in the church, so she didn't know any members she could call on for help. As a budding new product manager in her firm, surely she would face tougher issues than this. She decided to tough it through the frustration.

At the next group meeting, Liz finally realized why she was concerned. Ron, a trial lawyer, was always countering her leadership. She would ask a question; he would counter with another question. She would suggest a direction; he would suggest another direction.

The others paid more attention to Ron than to her, so she fought back. She tried to ignore Ron's comments and suggestions, but one of the other men began to reinforce Ron's perspective, then one of the women. By the end of that fourth meeting, Liz knew she was losing control of the group.

In frustration she tried to call the pastor the next day, but he was out of town for the next two weeks. She didn't know who else to talk to. She convinced herself to try again for one more meeting.

The same thing happened at the fifth meeting. Ron wrestled away more of the leadership. In front of the group, Liz angrily told Ron that she was the leader and he needed to back off.

After the meeting, Liz decided she didn't need this kind of energy drain in her life. If Ron wanted to lead the group, fine—she would resign and let him do it. The group seemed to want his leadership anyway.

What Went Wrong?

Liz needed help as a leader from the very beginning. Her situation is common in many churches attempting to launch a small group ministry: There is no leadership training, little pastoral support, minimal small group expertise, a poor leader selection process, and a lack of discernment in matching up group members.

What is the solution? A well-developed philosophy and practical program for leadership selection, training, and support. Without such a strategic plan for leadership development, all too often the small group ministry declines, crashes, or simply never gets off the ground.

A vision for small group leadership needs to be translated into a practical strategy for development. This plan should be carefully developed and owned by the primary leadership (clergy and lay) of the congregation. Shared vision and strategy is critical to successful implementation.

Let's take a look at three critical questions in leadership development: selection, training, and support.

Where Do You Find Leaders?

As in any other church leadership position, small group leaders need to be chosen carefully by the pastor or by a lay leader who has wisdom and discernment about character, commitment, experience, and skill. Liz probably did have the right leadership commitment, but she lacked experience, training, and support.

Ideally, candidates should be committed to: (1) Jesus Christ as Lord, and his mission and ministry, (2) the local church ministry, (3) Scripture as the primary resource for Christian life, (4) personal and corporate spiritual growth, (5) the health and longevity of the small group ministry, (6) the discipline of personal and group prayer, (7) the nurture of healthy human relationships, (8) working through group conflicts, and particularly the practice of forgiveness and the healing of broken relationships, and (9) developing and sharing group leadership roles.

Every candidate does not have to demonstrate full competence or skill in each of these areas. Leadership training and support programs can nurture these commitments and help them mature. But when candidates do not even agree that these are important values, those who select leaders should carefully question their capacity and desire to become competent small group leaders—even if they are "willing and able."

The character of potential small group leaders is another important criterion in selection. Look for candidates who demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit of Christ: love, joy, peace, patience, desire to serve, etc. (Gal. 5:13-26). They should have matured enough that the positive character of Christ is in control most of the time over any negative or abusive patterns of relating.

This criterion requires knowing potential leaders over a period of time before selection takes place. The leader who appointed Liz did not know her well enough.

How Do You Train Them?

Most people are not prepared to jump in and lead a small group right away. Jesus did not send his disciples out into ministry on their own immediately after selecting them. First He trained them.

Placing a willing, able, and committed person into small group leadership without adequate training will undermine his or her long-term success. You might be able to get away without training short-term leaders. But long-term small group ministry is demanding and complex.

The longer a small group is together, the more difficult, complex, and conflict-producing are the relationships in the group. It's much like a marriage and family. But many Christians and church members today do not have the healing and training to practice such long-term relationships.

Small group leaders need opportunity to work through any hurt from previous relationships. As family systems specialists affirm, we tend to take our unhealthy relational habits into every human system in which we participate: family, friendships, school, business, church, or small group. The training process for the potential as well as the practicing leader should include education in family systems and provide avenues of healing.

The training process is composed of two basic areas: the methods of training and the contents of training. The first focuses on how to train leaders; the second on what to train leaders.

Methods. There are many ways to train small group leaders. The best by far is simply to be in a good group. Do what Jesus did: put potential leaders into a small group and show them how to lead through healthy modeling, teaching, experimentation, action, and reflection.

This method requires, of course, that you have someone, lay or clergy, with the theology, experience, maturity, training, and ability to lead such a group. This kind of training takes longer than other methods and is very demanding of the training leader.

Popular alternatives to the above include: short-term, intensive in-group events such as retreats or one-day seminars; traditional lecture-discussion-practice courses presented in hourly segments over several weeks; in-service or apprenticeship experiences alongside an experienced leader in a continuing group.

Contents. The contents of leadership training are the development of specific disciplines and skills, such as communication (e.g., listening, stimulating feedback); inductive study (e.g., asking good questions, leading reflective discussions); group prayer; conflict resolution; ministry and mission (e.g., relational evangelism); observation and evaluation. (See Recommended Reading on page 26.)

These skills can be taught within an in-group situation or in a classroom context along with time to practice. Most relational skills used in the small group context are also useful for other kinds of relationships and group sizes: friendship, marriage, family, one-on-one discipleship, mentoring, classroom teaching, etc. Small group leadership skills can also be reviewed as tune-up training for leaders over extended years of ministry.

How Do You Keep Them Going?

Leadership development does not begin with selection and end with training. Small group leaders need continued support over the entire duration of their service.

Leaders need to know they are not out there alone. They need access to expert resources that can build competence and guide them through crisis situations. They need interaction with other leaders who share their experiences.

This nurture can be categorized in two types: professional-expert and personal-mutual.

Professional-expert. The first type of support includes written resources and consultation with qualified advisors. All small group leaders should have a list of the best articles, books, and curriculum materials for help in their ministry. They should also have a list of professional or experientially-qualified advisors—whether pastors, church and ministry leaders, counselors, conflict managers, or group process specialists—to call on when crises arise.

These lists of expert resources should be updated periodically and distributed to all leaders as part of their training materials.

Personal-mutual. The second type of support involves a network of contacts with other small group leaders and with key people in the sponsoring church or organization.

Leaders need to gather periodically to discuss their successes, concerns, frustrations, visions, and learning. These can be times of mutual help, learning, prayer, and strategizing.

Another form of personal support is one-on-one pastoral or mentoring relationships. Small group leaders should be supported by quick and direct access to key leaders—elders, deacons, pastors, etc.—who can give them personal and confidential guidance whenever they need it.

Special Concerns. In my experience, the following issues recur as key concerns in leadership support:

• Leadership style. Differing contexts require conscious adaptation of differing leadership styles. Leaders need discernment in recognizing what is appropriate for a given group.
• Dysfunctional behavior. Leaders need to understand and be able to recognize dysfunctional behavior in the group context so they can direct the dysfunctional member(s) to expert help and assist the group in understanding what is happening.
• Accountability. Supportive accountability is essential to avoid over-commitment and burn-out. Vacations or sabbaticals from leading should be scheduled into the program.

The Right Perspective

Throughout the entire process of selection, training, and support, small group leaders need affirmation of the importance of their ministry to the Kingdom of God. They need the vision and hope continually set in front of them that our heavenly Father is the Primary Parent of the group as family; Jesus is the Primary Leader of the group in mission; the Holy Spirit is the Primary Teacher of the group in learning. In their weakness and willingness to learn, God will demonstrate His power.

Let's not toss our small group leaders, like Liz, out there to fend for themselves. Let's recruit them with a vision for ministry, empower them with the right training for ministry, and enable them with the ongoing support that encourages them to lead in the power of the Father, Son, and Spirit.

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

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