"Perfection" Can Keep Your Group from Being Healthy

Dr. Larry Richards has these observations and suggestions on how your group can become more open and healthy.

I'm convinced that the number-one reason many small groups stagnate or die is our failure to develop open, honest relationships. There are several reasons for this.

First, we have a tendency—when we get together as Christians—to think that we are supposed to represent Christ by being perfect. What we have to do is realize that Christianity is a religion for people who are in need, and that without Christ we can do nothing. The fear that others will look down on us for having struggles and failures is one of the major reasons that most of us choose not to communicate openly and honestly.

A second reason is that far too often we approach Scripture as an intellectual exercise rather than seeing it as a very personal Word from God that we are to listen to and make practical in our lives. We need to help one another respond to what God is saying to us through each other and through His Word.

Suggestions to Help Your Group Members Open Up

1. Model what you want to happen. People need others to set the tone. The more you are open and real, the easier it will become for your group members.

2. Learn some basic techniques. Learn ways to help people talk without it becoming too difficult or intimidating. I'm convinced that people of any age will open up if they can do it in a context where they do not feel threatened and if they are allowed to do it gradually.

A technique to consider in your group: Learn to have people tell something that will be self revealing without them perceiving that they are talking about their present feelings. This can be done by having them talk about how they felt in the past. For example, ask: "What were you like as a child?" "What was the most frightening thing that happened to you when you were eight years old?"

Once they have responded to these questions, move to something like, "Well, remembering how you felt then, do you ever feel that way now?"

Because we do not perceive ourselves as children now, it is easier to talk about our feelings then. Yet once people can begin to talk about feelings during childhood it is easier to build a bridge to feelings today. "Well, yes, sometimes I feel that way now, when.… " Taking your group members from a childhood or adolescent experience to a more recent adult experience is an excellent way to help them open up and share more honestly.

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center. Used by permission.

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