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Communication—"You, you, you!"
by Dr. Gary Smalley
Week of 06/27/05
No one likes to be criticized, regardless of how much truth lies behind the criticism. Whether, we are male or female, six or sixty, when someone corrects us, we automatically become defensive. Yet honest communication is vital to any relationship. These two basic truths appear contradictory. How do you honestly tell the one you love about something you find displeasing or aggravating without prompting that familiar, defensive glare or indifferent shrug?
The following three principles outline a way to gently confront. The other person is far more apt to receive your comments when he or she hears them expressed through these three principles.
- Learn to express your feelings through three loving attitudes: warmth, empathy, and sincerity. These are common words, but what do they mean? Warmth is the friendly acceptance of a person. Empathy is the ability to understand and identify with a person's feelings. Sincerity is showing a genuine concern for a person without changing your attitude toward him when circumstances change.
- Learn to share your feelings when angry or irritated without using "you" statements and instead replacing them with "I feel" statements.
- Learn to wait until your anger or feelings of irritability have subsided before you begin to discuss a sensitive issue.
Lord, help me express myself in such a way that my loved one knows deeply of my love and admiration.
How do you generally tell someone about something you find displeasing or aggravating without prompting them to a defensive posture?
Which one of the 3 principles will you start with?
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
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© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center
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