What would you say is the number one cause of divorce in America? The answer may surprise you.

Research over the past several years has consistently listed financial issues as the number one cause of divorce. But do you want to know something amazing? Financial problems never caused even a single divorce! They may provide the topic of angry discussion, but they don't cause anything.

The problem is rarely the problem. The problem is never about a list of issues.

Is the problem the other person's behavior (or attitude or personality)? "My wife is always belligerent. I want her to quit yelling at me." "My husband spends too much time at work."

It's never just about the other person. The problem is, most of us spend all our time and energy talking about what the other person is doing or not doing.

Whenever you focus your attention on what the other person is doing, you take away your own power. You make yourself weak. In focusing on the other, you try to control things you can't control. For that reason it's an exercise in total futility, inefficiency, and ineffectiveness.

When you focus on yourself rather than on the other person, you vastly increase your odds of being able to enjoy some impact and influence over the relationship problem that bothers you.

© Copyright 2004 Smalley Relationship Center

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