How we communicate words, our tone of voice, the inflection and volume, is as important as the words we use. Words are powerful!

There is home in which positive words are not spoken. It is the home in which words are used to demean and destroy. Instead of hearing compliments that build them up, children in this home are belittled.

These are not always abusive homes. Even well meaning parents can be careless with words. Mom has had a hard day and looks forward to a relaxing dinner. Just as she sits down to the table, her four-year-old spills her milk. Angry and impatient, Mom shouts, "Can't you do anything right!" A child turns this anger inward: "I am stupid. Mommy hates me." "This fight is all my fault."

Sam hands his report card sheepishly to his father. His father, who was always driven by his own father to make good grades, explodes when he sees some low marks, even though there are high marks too. "You call this commitment" "You'll never amount to anything!" are words that bite deeply into the heart of a boy who yearns to please his father. All the boy hears is what he sees and the tone. Not the words. He sees his own father that he is driven to love and be loved by showing him disapproval and disgust.

There is a time for speaking words of affirmation—anytime, all the time. And there is a purpose—to provide a sense of belonging and appreciation for family members and to weave the fabric of a close family.

How important words are to nurture the soul and foster a healthy sense of self!

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center

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