Are you at odds with family members or friends? Do you often feel as if you win—or lose—in those relationships?

Power struggles can be very destructive. Why? In every power struggle, people become instant adversaries; they take up opposing positions and try to crush their opponent.

So if squaring off with our friends and partners causes so much damage, why do we so quickly make them into adversaries? Why do we so easily jump into power struggles?

Once more, I think the reaction is rooted in fear. It is a very natural thing to feel threatened by someone who disagrees with us. We very naturally consider that our opinion or way of seeing things is the "right" or "better" way. If we didn't, we'd change our opinion or way of seeing things. So when people suggest that our way isn't right or better, we fear that they will take us someplace we don't want to go—and that creates fear.

Once we square off as adversaries, however, the outcome is already assured. We don't even have to play the game. We've already lost. Because when you're on a team, win-lose is a total illusion. There is no such thing. You have only two options: you either both win, or you both lose.

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center

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